![[4K] ZEROBASEONE, BOYNEXTDOOR, DOYOUNG, n.SSign, LEE JIN HYUK, WOOAH, EPEX | On the way to music bank 240426](http://worldimg.kbs.co.kr/src/images/create/240426115803_72.jpg)
[4K] ZEROBASEONE, BOYNEXTDOOR, DOYOUNG, n.SSign, LEE JIN HYUK, WOOAH, EPEX | On the way to music bank 240426
2024-04-26
ⓒ Getty Images BankA gaping hole called death seemed to be just one step away. Death seemed to be a better option when pain overwhelmed me. I couldn’t figure out whether it was pain or death that I wanted to avoid. I wasn’t a strong person. No, I had used up all my strength as I underwent repeated treatments and recurrences. I needed faith, something different from the belief that my cancer wouldn’t return, that I belonged to the dismally few.
과거에 잃어버린 것을 기억하고 그것을 찾기 위해 멀리까지 찾아와대문을 두드리는 사람을 상상하면 행복했다.그들이 찾는 것을 기적처럼 꺼내어 건네주는 상상은 천국 같았다.
또한 나의 천국은 다음과 같은 것.여름날 땀 흘린 뒤 시원한 찬물 샤워.겨울날 따뜻한 찻잔을 두 손으로 감싸 쥐고 바라보는 밤하늘.잠에서 깨었을 때 당신과 맞잡은 손.마주 보는 눈동자.같은 곳을 향하는 미소. 다정한 침묵. 책 속의 고독, 비 오는 날 빗소리,앞서 걷는 당신의 뒷모습.물이 참 달다고 말하는 당신, 실없이 웃는 당신.나의 천국은 이곳에 있고 그 또한 두고 갈 것.
또한 나의 천국은 다음과 같은 것.여름날 땀 흘린 뒤 시원한 찬물 샤워.겨울날 따뜻한 찻잔을 두 손으로 감싸 쥐고 바라보는 밤하늘.잠에서 깨었을 때 당신과 맞잡은 손.마주 보는 눈동자.같은 곳을 향하는 미소. 다정한 침묵. 책 속의 고독, 비 오는 날 빗소리,앞서 걷는 당신의 뒷모습.물이 참 달다고 말하는 당신, 실없이 웃는 당신.나의 천국은 이곳에 있고 그 또한 두고 갈 것.
I was happy imagining people coming all the way here and knocking on the door to ask after something they had lost a long time ago. It was heavenly to imagine me handing them the things they had lost like a miracle.
My heaven is the following: a cold shower after a hot, sweaty day; the night sky I look up with my hands wrapped around a cup of hot tea; seeing my hands folded over yours as I wake up; our eyes gazing into each other; smiling at the same thing; comfortable silence; solitude in books; the sound of rain; watching your back as I walk behind you; watching you relish the barley water; your dopey smile.
My heaven is here, and I must leave that behind as well.
# Interview with literary critic Jeon So-yeong
The protagonist’s cancer returned, and she could die any moment. She could have cowered in fear of the coming death and lived everyday in dread. But instead, she decides to live today in a more meaningful way so that she can give her time as a gift to her mother and her boyfriend. It must have been a difficult choice for her, but this is how she shows her love for those who will be left behind. The house she’s looking for is going to be a sweet home, a place where her loved ones can live their lives to the fullest. It is also the narrator’s gift to her loved ones.
공사는 무사히 끝났다.엄마는 여전히 나를 이해할 수 없다고 말했다.죽음은 이해의 문제가 아니니까,미래를 이해하는 건 불가능하니까.나는 이제 미래를 기억할 수 있다고 믿는다.지금 눈앞에 내가 기억하는 미래가 나타났으므로.
탄생과 죽음은 누구나 겪는 일, 누구나 겪는다는 결과만으로 그 과정까지 공정하다고 말할 수는 없겠지.이제 나는 다른 것을 바라보며 살 것이다.폭우의 빗방울 하나, 폭설의 눈 한 송이, 해변의 모래알 하나.그 하나가 존재하는 것과 존재하지 않는 것 사이에는 차이가 있다.물론 신은 그런 것에 관심없겠지만.
탄생과 죽음은 누구나 겪는 일, 누구나 겪는다는 결과만으로 그 과정까지 공정하다고 말할 수는 없겠지.이제 나는 다른 것을 바라보며 살 것이다.폭우의 빗방울 하나, 폭설의 눈 한 송이, 해변의 모래알 하나.그 하나가 존재하는 것과 존재하지 않는 것 사이에는 차이가 있다.물론 신은 그런 것에 관심없겠지만.
The rehab project ended on time. Mother still says she can’t understand me. But death is not a matter of understanding. It is impossible to understand the future. I now believe that I can remember the future, because spread out before me I now have a future I remember.
A green frog may appear on the wooden deck one summer day. The frog may go away when I reach out to touch it. I may cry without knowing why. I may get sick again. Or I may get better. And then I will die one day.
Birth and death come to all. I can’t say the process is fair just because everyone experiences them. I will now live for something else. A raindrop in a storm, a snowflake in a blizzard, a grain of sand on a beach. There is a big difference between each one of them existing and not existing although God is probably not interested in any of it.
Choi Jin-young (Born in Seoul, 1981~ )
Debuted with short story “Top”
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